Talking to your kids about online safety

Here are six critical steps to help boost online safety for your children:

1. Start the conversation early.

When your child is old enough to swipe and type, they’re old enough to learn some basic ground rules of what they should and shouldn’t do on the web. The sooner you start talking about online safety and security, the easier it’ll be to keep tabs on their internet usage and discuss appropriate online behavior. Start by asking children how they like to spend time online and what websites they surf most—for homework or just for fun. Be supportive and positive, not judgmental, and they’re more likely to come to you if they experience cyberbullying or other issues. If kids believe you have their best interests at heart, and won’t punish them or revoke their internet privileges because they stumbled upon something scary or uncomfortable, they’re more likely to confide in you in the future.

Many websites offer a wealth of good online safety resources for parents to check out. Even apps are making it easier to limit your kids’ browsing to age-appropriate only. You can also help limit the games, movies and videos your kids watch to those that are family friendly. If you opt to install parental controls or other filters, do it openly—explaining to your child what you’re doing and why.

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2. Lead by example.

Kids learn by watching, especially our littlest ones. Instead of droning on about the complexities of online safety, walk your child through the basics by exploring websites together, playing online games, and answering their questions as you go. If they’re curious about a specific topic—say, dinosaurs or meteorites—show them how to safely search for information about that topic, explaining which websites you’re clicking on and why. When registering their information for a new app or site, be sure to teach your kids the importance of creating a strong password. Helping them invent a fun mnemonic to recall it is another way to instill good internet habits.

3. Get real about phishing.

You’ve warned the senior citizens in your life about opening suspicious attachments and clicking on shady links; kids need similar schooling when it comes to phishing. Sophisticated scammers sometimes disguise themselves as legitimate organizations and companies, using email, pop-up boxes, and social media to trick people into sharing login names and passwords, bank accounts, and credit card details.

Teach kids to look out for email addresses and URLs that may be a number or letter off from the real McCoy (e.g., de1ta.com instead of delta.com). By hovering a mouse over a link, they can peek at the complete URL without actually clicking on it. Same goes for unsolicited attachments, which cyber criminals use to spread malware or steal data. Show your children how to tap the “X” in the top right corner of browser windows and pop-ups, closing out anything that appears suspicious.

Another tip-off that an email or link might not be legit is an aggressively worded missive demanding urgent action. Trustworthy companies don’t issue threatening ultimatums via email. At the other extreme, messages promising quick riches, free vacations, or other rewards in exchange for personal or financial information are almost certainly fake. If children receive any eyebrow-raising requests, they should bring them to your attention before replying. When in doubt: Delete, delete, delete.

4. Exercise caution on social media.

Most social media services require users to be at least 13 years old. Let’s face it, though, kids are smart enough to enter a fake birthday. That many teens (and much-younger kids) are on one or more of these platforms, sharing photos, videos, comments, and direct messages with lots of people they know and even more they don’t. Most of these interactions may be harmless, but kids still need to understand the potential risks—everything from hacking and cyber bullying to the ways in which their own insensitive posts could come back to haunt them.

Unless they’re a young entrepreneur or trying to get into show business, kids should keep their social media profiles private and only accept “friend” requests from people they know. Instruct kids to tread carefully when clicking links in messages sent via Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Twitter, YouTube, Snapchat, and other social media websites. These can lead to spam websites (and worse) or download malware onto their device.

Most importantly, kids need to understand the permanence of their digital footprint and use discretion when posting. Before pushing send, advise them to ask themselves: Am I being kind? Respectful? Standing up for what’s right? What would my parents/favorite teacher/coach/pastor think of this? What might my future boss think? Is it really worth it? Children who act with empathy and understand that the online actions they take today can have serious—and seriously embarrassing—consequences tomorrow are less likely to post something regrettable.

5. Don’t play around with online gaming.

No matter what kind of games your kids are into (sports, puzzles, role-playing, etc.), discussing online safety is essential. Children should only download games and apps from reputable brands and stores, lest they unwittingly invite malware into their digital home. When a child asks to download a new game, check the ratings to make sure it’s age-appropriate and offers a strict privacy policy. Help kids install anti-virus software as needed, and double-check that updates are automatic. Encourage kids to choose screen names that don’t give away any personal details either. For example: Timmy who lives in Tampa shouldn’t make his screen name @timmyintampa, even if it seems like there might be a lot of “Timmys” living in Tampa.

And here’s a lesson some parents learn the hard way: Not all games are free. If a game requires real money to play, or additional in-app purchases, parents must establish a budget from the outset. Dangling a modest gaming allowance, it turns out, is a genius way to persuade kids into picking up extra chores.

6. Beware of strangers—even pixelated ones.

We warn kids from an early age about “stranger danger” and to never accept candy or rides from people they don’t know—or approach strangers to pet their dogs. Why should it be any different when it comes to online safety for children?

When your children first get into online gaming, ask not just what they’re playing but who. Are they battling the game itself, pals from school, or random John Does? Cyber criminals masquerading as young players may try to wheedle sensitive information out of your children—or even attempt to meet them in person. Kids should never share personal details, including their real name, home address, email, school, phone number, age, grade, or gender. Some games invite children to upload video or audio of themselves playing live; kids should check with parents first and proceed with caution until they’re certain that other players have no nefarious intentions.

For games that require battling other players, ask your child questions to make sure everyone is demonstrating good sportsmanship. Some trolls get their jollies by cheating, bullying, or attacking other gamers. Depending on the severity of the situation, your child’s options are to ask them to stop, block them, or report them.

Talking with your kids about online safety is one of the most important conversations you can have in the digital era. While there are plenty of apps that help you track your kids’ activity online, it’s still important that children learn smart internet habits and to trust their instincts: If something seems awry or too good to be true, it probably is.