How Active Listening Could Save Your Next Project

If so, you’re not alone. Research suggests that we only remember 20 percent of what we hear. That means when someone is presenting you with ideas or instructions, you’re missing most of their message—even when you’re hearing all of their words. And there’s no way to know whether the most important parts were captured in your measly 20 percent.

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Missing important messages can bring exasperated accusations of “You’re not listening!” into your personal relationships. It can also make collaboration at work much more challenging. Collaboration relies on everyone working together toward a common goal. But if you haven’t truly listened to your colleagues, you might not be on the same page about what that goal is in the first place—let alone how to accomplish it.

Fortunately, you can learn a new way to listen that will help you truly understand what the other person is trying to communicate. It builds rapport, deepens connection, and ensures everyone is on the same page.

The method is called active listening. It’s a series of techniques you can use to go beyond hearing the words another person is saying and understand the core message they’re trying to communicate. Active listening doesn’t always come naturally, but it’s something that can be learned with practice. Here are five active listening techniques that’ll help you become a more effective listener:

1.Use nonverbal cues that don’t distract the speaker. When you start a discussion, put your phone on silent and tuck it away—or turn it face down on the table. This signals that your attention is all theirs, and you’re proactively blocking interruptions. As the other person is speaking, make eye contact, nod, or lean forward to demonstrate that you’re interested in what they’re saying.

2. Use short verbal cues to show you’re still engaged. When there’s a natural pause, encourage the speaker to continue with brief affirmations, such as, “Makes sense,” “Interesting,” “Go on,” or even just “Uh huh.” Short verbal cues are especially important over the phone or in online meetings or group chats where nonverbal cues may be harder to convey and the speaker may be wondering whether anyone is actually following what they’re saying.

3. Paraphrase and double check that you understood correctly. Summarize what you heard in a short sentence or two, then confirm whether you got it right and ask if there’s more they’d like to add. For example, “So, it sounds like you’re finding the afternoon team meetings to be unproductive, and you think we could fine tune the agenda and meet less often. Is that right? Anything else you want to say about that?”

4. Ask questions that lead more deeply into their topic. Ask open-ended questions to invite the other person to expand on what they shared. Make sure your questions keep them going down the path they were already on. If someone is sharing a cool new presentation style they learned at a recent conference, you may feel the impulse to jump in with something like, “How WAS that conference, by the way?” and now you’re off and running about their overall conference experience, not the specific idea they wanted to share. If you accidentally do this (as we all do), take the responsibility to bring the conversation back around to their original topic.

5. Wait to disclose your thoughts, and ask permission first. Communication is a two-way street, and collaboration requires everyone to be heard and understood—including you. When listening, take a mental note of any thoughts or opinions that pop into your head, but resist the urge to jump in with your own two cents until you’re sure they’ve said everything they want to say and you understand their message. Now it’s your turn. The key to making sure your own thoughts are heard is to get their buy-in before you start talking. Say something like, “I have a few thoughts about what you just shared. Would you be open to hearing them?”

Building active listening skills may feel clumsy and awkward at first. You might find that holding eye contact feels more like a stare-down, or that paraphrasing makes you feel like a parrot. Find a friend you can practice with and experiment with the techniques above. Over time it will feel more subtle and natural, and you’ll start reaping the benefits in every conversation.