Santa, Schmanta
Season 13, Episode 1 TV-14
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Roger turns his attention to Steve's friend Snot who teaches him about Hanukkah, prompting him to convert to Judaism. Roger then decides to make Hanukkah more popular than Christmas by stealing Santa's powers, and becoming Schmanta Claus.
Paranoid_Frandroid
Season 13, Episode 2 TV-14
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Francine is happy watching vapid morning talk shows and ignoring real world news. When she decides to surprise Stan at work she accidentally discovers that Stan has been running her favorite show in an attempt to shelter her from the real world. Francine turns to Roger who leads her into the twisted world of conspiracy theories. Meanwhile, Steve and Klaus help Snot’s family move into a new apartment.
The Census of the Lambs
Season 13, Episode 3 TV-14
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Stan believes it is his patriotic duty to join the American Census as an enumerator. He is disappointed to learn that the Census is disorganized and is not filled with patriots like him. Hayley joins the Census because she needs a job, and quickly she and Stan find themselves competing to count the most people. But as they count their neighborhood, they discover a disturbing pattern of missing people. Meanwhile, Klaus convinces Steve and the boys to become fashion models.
Shell Game
Season 13, Episode 4 TV-14
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Steve and Roger are bird-watching when they see a strange man steal the bird eggs. Steve and Roger follow the man and learn that he is part of a secret organization that collects rare and endangered bird eggs. Steve joins forces with a college professor to stop the collectors, but Roger develops egg madness and joins the collectors. Meanwhile, the Smith transforms into an Italian family after trying a new pasta sauce.
The Mural of the Story
Season 13, Episode 5 TV-14
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Stan discovers that the Langley Falls historical mural has been ruined by graffiti and neglect. He convinces the town to allow him to restore the mural himself, but he fails and makes it worse than before. The town refuses to believe that Stan would ruin the mural and blames Hayley instead. Meanwhile, Roger becomes Steve’s instructor at a prestigious clowning university.
(You Gotta) Strike for Your Right
Season 13, Episode 6 TV-14
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Hayley gets a job as a sandwich delivery driver and begins delivering lunch to Stan’s office. Hayley sees the terrible work conditions at the office and organizes a strike. Stan is the only worker who remains on duty, but his loyalty backfires when Hayley wins in negotiations with Bullock and is given Stan’s job. Meanwhile, the rest of the family watches the show “Breaking Bad” in reverse and discover the show is hiding a scavenger hunt.
Klaustastrophe.TV
Season 13, Episode 7 TV-14
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Stan begins to experience crippling separation anxiety, which affects his performance at work. Through therapy, Stan discovers that this anxiety comes from an experience he had in his childhood with the Harlem Globetrotters. Stan tracks the down the Globetrotters and discovers the real source of his problem. Meanwhile, Klaus builds a website and forces the rest of the family to participate.
Death By Dinner Party
Season 13, Episode 8 TV-14
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Francine hosts a dinner party even though a serial killer who attacks dinner parties is terrorizing the town. The Smith family invites only their closest friends in an attempt to make the party safer, but the lights go out and guests start to disappear. Roger takes charge of solving the mystery of who is stalking the party.
The Never-Ending Stories
Season 13, Episode 9 TV-14
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Stan annoys his family and co-workers with pointless, boring stories. Bullock asks Stan to fill in for him at his class at the CIA Academy and Stan finds that the cadets are the perfect captive audience. Stan teaches the cadets his stories but fails to give them any real training. When the cadets are given their first real assignment, Stan must give up his desire to tell stories in order to save their lives. Meanwhile, Klaus becomes the hype-man for a famous rapper.
Railroaded
Season 13, Episode 10 TV-14
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Stan is frustrated with traffic so he goes to the mayor and proposes that the town build a bullet train. The mayor laughs off the idea, but Roger pushes Stan into running for the office of mayor on the platform of building a train. Stan wins the election but finds himself overwhelmed by the duties of governing.
My Purity Ball and Chain
Season 13, Episode 11 TV-14
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Steve is acting out his sexual energy, so Francine asks Stan to give Steve the talk about sex. Stan is terrified of giving Steve the talk because he’s afraid he will do it wrong. Steve meets a girl in an abstinence-only group and they fall for each other. Steve joins the group to spend time with the girl, but Stan joins the group so that he can avoid giving Steve the talk. Meanwhile, the family builds a giant waterslide in their backyard.
Oretron Trail
Season 13, Episode 12 TV-14
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Roger becomes upset about the fact that one day the Smith family will die and he will outlive them all. Roger fakes his death and goes on the road. Steve tracks him down and Roger reveals that he loved another family once and it was too painful to deal with when they died. Steve convinces Roger to come home, but Roger schemes to place the family in a computer so they will never die. Meanwhile, Klaus opens a bodega in the house.
Mean Francine
Season 13, Episode 13 TV-14
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Francine becomes the new guidance counselor at Steve’s school. She attempts to save Steve from being bullied by a pack of popular girls, but instead she gives into her desire to be one of the cool kids. Meanwhile Jeff loses his hat and has an emotional breakdown.
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